BlockBuster humour

We live in Christchurch, New Zealand. Friday nights, we often rent videos from BlockBuster. I try to humour my wife with new jokes whenever we go, usually at the Blockbuster clerk’s expense.

Whenever I return a DVD to Blockbuster, I apologize for not rewinding, just to see how they react.

One time I was renting a Star Wars tape with my son. There were two copies on the shelf, and I suggested that perhaps we should rent both, in case we wanted to see it twice. The confused clerk said, “Uh, no, you just have to rewind.” My son about wet himself laughing.

For some reason, the New Zealand-made movies are in the “Foreign” section at our local Blockbuster.

When I buy groceries, the clerk is always a hapless teenager. So I tell them, “Let's do scissors-paper-stone. If I win, you give me the groceries free. If you win, I'll pay you double.” They never agree. After I pay for the groceries, I say, “Okay, let's to scissors-paper-stone.” They always look at me with deep suspicion - “What's this for?” “Nothing, just for fun.” Now, whatever happens, it's funny! It's either, “Whoa - too bad you didn't play the first time!” or it's “Hey, it's a good thing you didn't play the first time!”

So I routinely try the same thing at BlockBuster. Most of the time, the clerks there are teenagers too, so they have the same reaction as the teenage grocery clerks. One time, the manager was watching, and said, “Go ahead and play, because it's a fair game.” I lost!

But one time, I offer to play scissors-paper-stone. The clerk says no. Then he says, “But wait - next time you come, you'll get a free video, because you have rented 100 videos.” The next time we came, I got a different clerk. The previous guy was sitting on a table behind him. I said to the clerk, “If I tell a joke that is SO FUNNY that you give me the video free, then you pay me $5. Otherwise, I'll pay you $5.” It was such an obviously stupid offer, that he didn't understand it at first, so I had to repeat the offer. He said he'd “heard them all”. I stated the offer again, and he finally agreed.

I told the one where the truck is carrying penguins down a highway. The truck breaks down, so the driver flags down another trucker. “If you take these penguins to the zoo, I'll give you $50.” So the other trucker agrees. Later, as the first trucker is getting towed into town, he sees the second trucker walking down the street with all the penguins, eating ice cream. He stops the tow truck, and complains. “Hey, you were supposed to take the penguins to the zoo!” The second trucker says, “Yes, I did. There was money left over from the $50, so then I took them out for ice cream.”

Right, so I tell the Blockbuster this joke, and he grins, but shakes his head. At this point, I demand the free video. He says no. I say, “Look at your computer, mate. You owe me a free video, and $5. You've been had!” The clerk on the table stepped forward and told him what had happened the week before.